A wolf's figure marked against the moonlight

I look back at my behavior last night and I can't help hating myself, killing myself over and over again to be reborn, and kill me.

Why did I deny my nature? Never again that shall be.

A lone wolf is always a lone wolf, no matter how much he tries to fit inside a new pack. And I only work well alone or with my beloved.

So I should deny, not me, but the weak ones who are a weight for me, who I don't want to abandon after we're hunting already.

Again I'll be, as I've always been, a lone wolf's figure marked against the moonlight, a shade of a living creature which is not distinguishable. I'll go back to my cold-hearted hiding place, for in there I know myself... I feel safe.

Missed many chances. Being open to others (except to her) makes me feel weak, falter and fall.

And fall...

I've got to the conclusion that having weak allies makes you weak, and most of the people I know are weak people. Now wrath burns in my eyes, in my soul, and I look for a prey whom I wish to kill again till the pain makes it change: Me.

For I have been weak in having compassion for those who don't deserve it, and therefore missed my chances of being what I am... a huge beast of striking appearance that jumps up at anyone unexpectedly, a born hunter, a fearless animal who cares not for attacks, for he cannot be harmed by anyone... except for himself.

I let out my weakness and exposed it, and I'm hating every second of it right now.

I won't be compassionate with the weak ones... if they don't help themselves they'll never grow strong.

I won't hang around with smaller beasts... I might be mistaken for prey.

I'll just... be the shadow I used to be... the shadow I am supposed to be... and leave those weak feelings behind, for they bring fear... the fear that the weaklings share, a fear which is unnatural, which is not mine.

I've demonstrated, once again, which is my worst, strongest and most dangerous enemy:

Me.


For only I can make me feel like this, and among the humans only I have power over me... but when I share myself with the others, I give them power over me too...

And the only person to whom I want to give that, is a strong person, someone who will not falter and therefore won't induce me to falter, someone just like a person I've been observing for some time and which deeply reminds me of myself in the constrast she creates; someone who I know is strong beyond any measure I could take...

That's the person who happens to be the one which I'd devote my life to...
the person whose faltering would give me courage, whose look would be enough to unnerve me, whose sight would be enough to rise my morale...

The only person I accept that is so much stronger than me where I'm weak, and who I admire for that, even if I am stronger in some spots where she is weak...

The woman I love.

"I am invincible, I cannot die... I know but anyways the words they maim me"

"Stray! No regrets 'cause I've got nothing to loose
Ever Stray! So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall...
Stray!"

"I can call home anywhere my helmet lies, for I'm a wandering rouge;
I can call home only where your heart dwells, for I am a loving rouge;

You are my only home, for I'm a jealous rouge;

I can have any heart, but I'd rather yours, for I'm a hunting rouge;
I can face any danger or tragedy, friend or enemy, I can beat myself up and tie me down for my own good... for I am a rouge that is not alone, for I am a rouge that belongs to you."