Count On Me (by Default)

This song makes my think of you.
It quite describes some of the feelings I have for you.

I know that life ain't always good to you.
I've seen exactly what it’s put you through
Thrown you around and turned you upside down and so you
You got to thinking there was no way out
You started sinking and it pulled you down
It may be tough you've to get back up

Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause I will carry you till you
Carry on

Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me
To hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart
Well you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me
To hold you till that feeling is gone

I wonder why nobody's waiting on you
I'd like to be the one to pull you through your darkest times
I'd love to be the light that finds you
I see a silver lining on your cloud
I'll pick you up whenever you fall down
Just take my hand and I will help you stand

Because you know that life ain't over yet
I'm here for you so don't forget
You can count on me
Cause I will carry you till you carry on
Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till the healing is done
And every time you fall apart you can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is
Gone so you can live today
Seems so long to yesterday
Keep on counting on me to carry you till you carry on
Carry on

You know that life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
You can count on me cause I will carry you till you carry on

Anytime you need someone
Somebody strong to lean on
Well you can count on me to hold you till that healing is done

And every time you fall apart
You can hide here in my arms
And you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone

Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone

Remember life ain’t over yet
I’m here for you so don’t forget
That you can count on me to hold you till that feeling is gone

A wolf's figure marked against the moonlight

I look back at my behavior last night and I can't help hating myself, killing myself over and over again to be reborn, and kill me.

Why did I deny my nature? Never again that shall be.

A lone wolf is always a lone wolf, no matter how much he tries to fit inside a new pack. And I only work well alone or with my beloved.

So I should deny, not me, but the weak ones who are a weight for me, who I don't want to abandon after we're hunting already.

Again I'll be, as I've always been, a lone wolf's figure marked against the moonlight, a shade of a living creature which is not distinguishable. I'll go back to my cold-hearted hiding place, for in there I know myself... I feel safe.

Missed many chances. Being open to others (except to her) makes me feel weak, falter and fall.

And fall...

I've got to the conclusion that having weak allies makes you weak, and most of the people I know are weak people. Now wrath burns in my eyes, in my soul, and I look for a prey whom I wish to kill again till the pain makes it change: Me.

For I have been weak in having compassion for those who don't deserve it, and therefore missed my chances of being what I am... a huge beast of striking appearance that jumps up at anyone unexpectedly, a born hunter, a fearless animal who cares not for attacks, for he cannot be harmed by anyone... except for himself.

I let out my weakness and exposed it, and I'm hating every second of it right now.

I won't be compassionate with the weak ones... if they don't help themselves they'll never grow strong.

I won't hang around with smaller beasts... I might be mistaken for prey.

I'll just... be the shadow I used to be... the shadow I am supposed to be... and leave those weak feelings behind, for they bring fear... the fear that the weaklings share, a fear which is unnatural, which is not mine.

I've demonstrated, once again, which is my worst, strongest and most dangerous enemy:

Me.


For only I can make me feel like this, and among the humans only I have power over me... but when I share myself with the others, I give them power over me too...

And the only person to whom I want to give that, is a strong person, someone who will not falter and therefore won't induce me to falter, someone just like a person I've been observing for some time and which deeply reminds me of myself in the constrast she creates; someone who I know is strong beyond any measure I could take...

That's the person who happens to be the one which I'd devote my life to...
the person whose faltering would give me courage, whose look would be enough to unnerve me, whose sight would be enough to rise my morale...

The only person I accept that is so much stronger than me where I'm weak, and who I admire for that, even if I am stronger in some spots where she is weak...

The woman I love.

"I am invincible, I cannot die... I know but anyways the words they maim me"

"Stray! No regrets 'cause I've got nothing to loose
Ever Stray! So I'm gonna live my life as I choose
Until I fall...
Stray!"

"I can call home anywhere my helmet lies, for I'm a wandering rouge;
I can call home only where your heart dwells, for I am a loving rouge;

You are my only home, for I'm a jealous rouge;

I can have any heart, but I'd rather yours, for I'm a hunting rouge;
I can face any danger or tragedy, friend or enemy, I can beat myself up and tie me down for my own good... for I am a rouge that is not alone, for I am a rouge that belongs to you."

My Resume

I guess I should post this... it's some kind of resume on what "valuable" things I've achieved from the job Point of View. It'll help me get my feet on the grond and get people to know who I am, again, from the  job Point of View.


My Studies:

• Currently 11th year at school
  
• Currently on 2nd year of Computer Science and Programming
• Half the A+ certificate (Software test pending, Hardware test passed.)

My Languages:

• Spanish as first language.
  
• English as second language.

My Computer Skillset:

• Standard Office Applications
• Basic Networking knowledge
• PC Hardware and Software Troubleshooting skills

My Programming Languages (Basic to Intermediate knowledge):

• C++
  
• Visual BASIC
• PASCAL
• Adaptability to any other language

My  Minor Programs:

• Sierpinsky's triangle (drawn in C++, and PASCAL)
  
• Text Database creation, accessing and modifying (in C++)
• Falling Numbers Game
• Rudimentary data base manager (Visual BASIC)
• A calculator like windows' (Visual BASIC)
• Completely functional Wordpad-like text editor (Visual BASIC).

My Gaming Achievements:

• Tetris (Greatest achievement up to date. Visual BASIC.)
• Basic Tile and Sprite editing practice (TileStudio)

My Read Books (only the most remarkable, as the total is over 70):

• Sophie's World (Jostein Gaarder)
  
• Demian (Hermann Hesse)
• Siddharta (Hermann Hesse)
• The Ingenious Hidalgo Don Quixote of La Mancha (M. de Cervantes)
• The Odyssey (Homer)
• The Iliad (Homer)
• Ivanhoe (Walter Scott)
• Sherlock Holmes' Complete Novels and Stories (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)

• 
  

Babble 3

So, the final tests come next week.

I've studied well for math, which is the first test, so I'll get an A+.

That said, let's go with the usual rubbish.

I'm a ninja :P
I walk between the shadows, my own shadows.
I hurt, I harm, pain is part of my life.

And I am the only one to blame for that.
And I am the only one who can change that.
And I am the one and only boss of my life, my fate, my existence.

So no more pain, just joy.
But I have long since felt very little or no pain,
and this for a tiny moment only.

So my new goal is to cause less pain to people, and to enjoy more, and to be more me, andto let others see mee more, and to get the girl I want for myself for a while... on her own.

Yeah, well, talk about a purposeful life :D

the shadows gone... The Enlightened Darkness Comes.

Well, now I've finished all of my programs.
Also I got rid of a person who I needed to get rid of. I hurt her, though, and it was painful... but it's all over now (for me). I guess she'll be bleeding all over it for weeks, months perhaps.

It's better for both anyways; I don't belong to her even if she thinks so.

So there go the shadows. Now for the real darkness:

Final Exams!!!
I'll be a bit overworked this week and the next, but after that I will too!!!!

I'll have a job (making websites) and another job (making programs) over december.

So where does the light come in?

My beloved is with me. Not here, not there... within, in the token she gave me I feel her. I can't stop thinking about her (which is good). Well, I hope things start to look good for both of us now... I mean, even better; I just want to give her the best, so what I mean is like... I hope that "the best" turns better than it is now. lol. If you're reading this, I luv u, hunny.